Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt is the second psychosocial stage created by Erik Erickson along with his wife Joan Erickson.
Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt is stage 2, when a person is a toddler, 1-2 years old. The virtue of WILL is the goal. Parents are the most significant relationships. The "existential question" is 'Is it okay to be me?' And the events during this stage are toilet training and clothing themselves.
This is an exciting stage! With a strong base of security, the child will assert their will by venturing out and exploring their surroundings. Patience and encouragement fosters autonomy. The child learns tasks and skills that instill accomplishment and confidence. They start making choices. They love exploring, so safety is a must!
At this young age, they develop their first interests like music, outdoors, plants and animals. No screens! They learn to dress and feed themselves. They learn to use the bathroom between 18 and 24 months. The child learns problem-solving!
If the parents discourage self-sufficient behaviors , the child becomes doubtful and reluctant to try. If parents expect too much, the child might feel shame and doubt especially if the parent is critical or does things for the child.
This is a balancing act! Allowing too much autonomy might result in a disregard for rules or result in injuries. If the parents control too much, the child becomes rebellious or impulsive. This, all according to Erickson.
Let me say a word about potty-training. Without getting too deep in the physiological weeds or too graphic, here is a mini-lesson. The brain actually signals smooth muscle in the colon to "evacuate stool" from the body through a process called peristalsis. As the stool moves down, it hits an internal sphincter, which starts to open, giving a human "the urge" to go poop. Then, with a little voluntary muscle action (mild pushing or grunting), the poop comes out.
Since, much of this is an involuntary process, please RELAX. Start looking for cues that your little one is ready
your child is gaining independence, like dressing him/herself
they poop around the same time every day or every other day
they announce it (ha), go hide in a corner, or tell you they need a diaper change.
In the meantime, make sure they get plenty of daytime fluids and healthy foods. When your child seems ready, plan some time to practice. This is not a time for punishment or reprimands. Teaching is the key.
Figure out a few things like -- if you want to use a potty chair or the "big" toilet and a little stool to put their feet on. Wiping might require some assistance at first, but a firm blot is likely all that is needed. Plan for some special, bubbly soap or foam for handwashing to make it fun and easy. A bath at bedtime is a great day to clean them up and start fresh for the next day of "training."
No discipline for toilet-training. If you run into "problems," or it feels like it's taking too long, keep gently persisting and encouraging. Training takes time.
While interesting, this stage would only be explored in family therapy. For example, asking a parent how potty-training is going.
MAYBE, for adults in sex therapy, but that might also feel irrelevant or awkward. While an interesting stage for Erickson's framework, it's not something to stake current issues on! Therapists love to pinpoint certain things as causality or correlation. This is likely not something to take a lot of stock in. It's all way too Freudian.
That being said, there are sad and unique stories not to be ignored, if relevant.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. START EARLY!
Companion shirt (coming): TRAIN UP!
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